The Change
by Candid Ishida
Summary: *Yaoi* TAITO / YAMACHI When Matt admits to Tai that he may not be straight, he struggles to confess how much he loves Matt, and Tai's silence almost ends in tragedy. COMPLETED, Please Review! ^_^
1. Winter Afternoon

Note: I've never written a story about Tai before, his thoughts and everything. I've always had everything from Matt's perspective. So I hope I did ok!

  
  


"Damn it!!" The tall, slender blonde slumped down in the driver's seat of his car and slammed his fist on the steering wheel.

The smaller brunette sitting next to him raised an eyebrow and backed away a bit, until he was brushing against the car door.

"What's the matter this time? I've been waiting in here for ten minutes," he said.

"I failed my god damn math homework AGAIN," he ran his hand through his baby soft hair absent mindedly and tossed the paper he had brought with him in a random direction. It landed in the other boy's lap. "This is the third time this week! If I keep failing I'm going to have to take stupid calculus again next year and be in the same class as Izzy."

Taichi Yagami lifted up the paper and glanced over it. It was filled with slanted handwriting and numbers and figures he didn't even understand. There was also a grade on the top of the paper, 35%.

"Ouch..." he said softly, referring to the failing mark. "Why don't you ask them to put you in the regular math class with me? You can say you weren't ready to skip ahead."

Yamato Ishida picked his head up which he had leaning against the steering wheel and looked out the windshield.

"I'm not stupid, I know how to do it." Tai winced a bit at Matt's remark, like it was beneath him to be the in regular math class. "I just can't concentrate," he continued.

"Well what's the matter?" He leaned back closer to his friend wishing he would make eye contact and stop acting so cold, but he didn't.

"Just... stuff. I don't know, I'm confused." He sighed, ran his hand through his blonde hair again and leaned back in the seat.

"About what?" Tai took the paper and slid it gently into Matt's school bag that had been tossed on the dashboard.

"Forget about it."

Tai sighed, his best friend could be so closed off.

"Are we still going ice skating?" The brown eyed boy asked.

"Yeah..." Matt jammed the key into the ignition and the engine started humming. Tai eased back into his seat and tried to think of something else to talk about as the car pulled out of the student parking lot.

"So, been on any good dates lately?"

"I'm sick of dating, it's stupid." He said emotionlessly. 

Tai grumbled and tried to think of something else. Matt was hard to get out of a bad mood when he decided he was going to be mad.

"Did you remember to bring a scarf?" He asked. He smiled and little and hoped it would lighten the atmosphere.

"I don't really know how to ice skate you know."

"Huh?"

"I said I don't really know how to ice skate!" he snapped.

"Then how come you said you would go ice skating with me?" Tai folded his arms across his chest.

"Because, I didn't want to be a jerk and say no. You can ice skate, I'll just hang out and watch." He ran his fingers through his hair for a third time. He seemed to do that a lot when he was frustrated.

"No way!" Tai protested. Matt gave him a dirty look and then shifted his eyes back to the road. "I'm not gonna let you sit around in the cold. I'll teach you how, it'll be fun!"

"I don't feel like having fun."

"Yes you do." Tai punched him in the arm lightly and grinned. "I'm gonna make you have fun Ishida and then tomorrow we can have Joe or Izzy help you with your math. Don't you have a test coming up on Monday?"

"Yeah..."

"Good, we can study then." He placed his hand on Matt's shoulder and leaned over. "Now smile, let me see the Ishida charm."

"No."

"Come on... I know you can." He started poking at the corners of Matt's mouth.

"You're going to make me run somebody over!"

"DO IT!"

Matt flashed a cheesy looking and obviously fake smile and shoved Tai back into his seat. Tai giggled impishly and grinned. He glanced back over at the handsome teenager and saw a real smile creeping onto his face, success. He felt satisfied knowing he was the only one that could cheer Matt up and watched the emotions written in his friend's features on the way to the ice skating rink, trying to imagine what he was thinking about.

  
  
  
  


Matt laced up his ice skates and Tai sat next to him on the bench. He had already gotten his on and tied quite some time ago. The blue eyed boy's hair kept falling into his eyes as he fiddled with the last few laces.

"You have pretty big feet, Matt." He had been a little surprised when the tall blonde had asked for size 12 and a half skates at the rental booth. Tai smiled as his friend brushed the same few strands of hair behind his ear over and over.

"Well you know what they say about guys with big feet." He pulled his pant legs down over the top of the now tied skates and sat up.

"Huh?"

Matt smirked a bit and shook his head.

"Nevermind.."

"Ok, so are you ready?" Tai got up onto the ice and held his blue mitten covered hands out for Matt to grab on to.

"Err... Do I have to?" He took one of the mittened hands reluctantly.

"You took 15 minutes getting your skates on, now you're gonna learn how to skate, mister." Tai grabbed his other hand and pulled the owner off the bench. As soon as he rose to his feet, his lanky legs folded underneath him and he started to sink to his knees. The shorter boy reached under Matt's arms and pulled him back up. 

It must have looked comical to see Tai holding up someone so much taller than him. Halfway through their tenth year of school, Matt had grown to be just over 6 feet tall while Tai remained short and petite, around 5 foot 8. Tai's hair, however, made up for the difference in height.

"Can't you hold yourself up at all?" Tai said, now struggling with almost all of Matt's weight leaning against him.

"No, it's too slippery!"

"Duh, it's ice, stupid." He hoisted Matt until he was standing straight up with his toes pointed slightly in. He skated back a few feet and waited to see if the other boy would start to fall. When he was still standing after about a minute Tai decided it was time to try moving.

"Ok, now just do exactly what I do, kay?"

"Tai, I can barely stand up!" The brunette had started to skate away and now turned back around. Matt looked so adorable with his scarf and earmuffs on, and his long legs bending awkwardly inward. Tai grinned.

"Don't worry, it's easy once you get going." He pulled his blue headband down over his ears a bit to block the icy wind and started to skate around the rink. There weren't many other people there at the moment and he was glad, this way Matt wouldn't have to worry about bumping into anyone. He made one lap around the ice and came back to the pale skinned boy, whose cheeks were starting to turn pink from the cold. He hadn't moved an inch.

"Ok, now you try, just move your feet like I did."

"I'm going to fall..." He looked down at the ice uneasily. Tai didn't usually see Matt in a vulnerable position such as this. He never relied on anyone for help, part of the reason he was failing math. He thought he could do it all himself. The little tan skinned boy noted that his partner was usually the best at everything he did, best musician, best cook, best dancer, best looking...

Tai took Matt's hand, which was clothed in a black glove, in his own. 

"Hold my hand, I won't let you fall." He smiled and Matt smiled back, though not quite as enthusiastically.

He squeezed Tai's hand tightly for support and pushed off slowly as his best friend moved forward.

"Woah, don't try to go so fast," Tai said, when the blonde started to topple backwards. He skated behind him and held onto his shoulders.

"How about I'll give you a little push and you try to skate?"

"Just don't push me and let me go because I guarantee you I'll land right on my face."

"Well I just saved you from landing on your butt. I'm not gonna let you fall, stop worrying!" 

He skated forward, pushing Matt gently. His blue eyes glanced behind him and soon the two boys' feet were moving in the same rhythm.

"We must look like we're in a really short conga line," Matt said, once he had mastered the art of moving forward without breaking his neck. Tai giggled slightly.

"Do you wanna try going by yourself?"

"Yeah, I think I'll be alright now." Tai let go of Matt, he wobbled for a second but managed to get back into the rhythm again. He went along with the flow of the other skaters around the rink while Tai did little figure eights around in the middle and then started going in circles around him.

"Quit showing off!" Matt said, trying to sound annoyed but laughing at the same time.

"Why? You always do." Matt blushed slightly as Tai stuck his tongue out and skated backwards away from him. He skated around the outside of the rink and watched the bushy haired boy do tricks in the middle, until he tried to pull a backwards figure eight on one foot and landed on his toosh.

The tall boy skated quickly over and kneeled down on the ice.

"Are you ok, Tai?" He sat up and rubbed his rear end for a moment.

"Yeah... I think I'll stop showing off now." He got up and brushed the ice shavings off his pants, but Matt stayed in a crouching position.

"Try to stand up and get going by yourself now." He said.

Matt nodded and slowly got to his feet without slipping. He skated carefully across the ice, turned, and came slowly back to Tai, bumping against him softly to stop himself. Tai wrapped his arms around Matt's waist to help him stop and smiled.

"See? I told you it was easy!"

"Yeah..." Matt smiled too and looked down at his friend. They held each other, not moving, and Tai stared up into the blue eyes in front of him. He began to feel so warm pressed up against the other boy, despite the chilly December temperatures. Beginning to lose himself in the blue pools, Tai thought about the change he had been feeling lately.

"Matt and I seem like we're getting closer than we used to be. Why do I feel like I want to be around him all the time? Maybe it's because we're getting older. We've finally gotten over all those fights we had when we were little. But what if it's more than that, what if I'm.... No, this is just too weird... this can't happen, not to me."

"Hey Tai!" The voice sent his train of thought flying off a bridge and broke his stare.

"What? Sorry, did you say something?"

"Are you done hugging me now, Miss?" The tall blonde said. Tai realized he still had his arms around his waist and let go. He backed up, scratching the side of his nose.

"Heh, sorry..." He could tell he was blushing deeply, but hoped it could pass off as red tint from the cold.

"It's starting to get kind of dark, maybe we should head home," Matt said, apparently unconcerned about what had just happened and not noticing Tai's blush.

"Sure."

Matt tucked his loose hair behind his ear.

"Thanks for teaching me how to skate," he said as they skated back to the rental booth to return their skates and put their shoes on.

"No problem!" Tai said cheerfully.

"Do you want to come over for supper?" Matt asked as they put their shoes back on.

"Only if you're cooking." 

"Naturally." 

Matt took his earmuffs off and combed his hair when they got into the car. Tai wondered how anyone could touch their hair so much, trying to remember the last time he brushed his own. He stared at Matt in the rearview mirror, his blue eyes locked on the road as they pulled out.

"He's got such pretty hair..." He thought. As he began to picture his own hands running through Matt's blonde hair, he caught himself and looked out the window.

"What's the matter with me... Why can't I stop feeling this way?"

  
  
  
  


~~There is more coming, I think this is going to be a good one... uh, at least I hope so! Please review.~~


	2. Karaoke Night

Note: If you don't know the songs Matt and Tai sing, the lyrics are at the bottom. And I suggest you download them! This is good, quality music here people. ^_~ 

  
  


"Delicious as usual, Mr. Ishida," Tai said, flopping onto Matt's bed and rubbing his full tummy.

"Why thank you, Mr, Yagami," the blonde replied, smiling. He sat himself down on the end of the bed next to Tai's feet and sighed contentedly.

"Where is your dad anyway?" the smaller boy asked, looking around at Matt's music posters.

"On assignment for Fuji," he answered, referring to the television station his father worked for. He crawled up to the middle of the bed and laid down next to Tai, fixing his gaze on the ceiling.

"Hey, there's only room for one up here," Tai giggled, shoving Matt to the side.

"It's my bed," he replied, smiling and shoving back.

"Ok I guess I can let you stay up here then."

"I'm glad I have your approval."

They lied next to each other on Matt's twin bed for a few minutes not saying anything. Tai listened to the breathing next to him and watched Matt's chest rise and fall. He glanced up several times, and when he was sure the lids on his sapphire eyes were closed, he began to gaze at the face around them. His eyes followed the contour of the high cheek bones and square jaw to the perfect lips. His milky white skin was flawless, there was not a blemish or imperfection to be found anywhere. Tai knew that under the long lashed eyelids were the most striking blue eyes he had ever seen in his life. He had begun to feel so unbelievably attracted to him in that last few months. Thoughts of the gorgeous teen flashed through his mind during school, and he'd sometimes find himself fantasizing about them being together. He wanted to tell himself he was just confused, but he knew it was a lie. He was falling desperately in love. Falling under the blonde's spell, he reached out and brushed a strand of the soft golden hair off his forehead. Matt suddenly opened his eyes and focused on the boy leaning over him.

"Can I help you?"

"Uhh, no!" Startled, Tai rolled over onto his back again. He could feel his cheeks getting hot and knew he was blushing again. The brunette quickly shifted to his side so Matt could not see his face. He felt a hand on his shoulder and resisted the urge to turn over and look at the beauty next to him.

"Is something wrong, Tai?" He asked gently.

Tai stared at the wall and shook his head.

"Hey, Tai..." Matt said. Hearing a hint of uneasiness in his friend's voice, he rolled over to face him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you about something?" Matt asked.

"Sure, Matt, what's up?" He shifted himself up a bit so his elbow rested on the pillow and his head was supported by his hand, and the taller boy stayed sprawled out next to him on his side.

"Uhh... you know how I said I haven't been able to concentrate and all that before..." 

"Yeah, and that you've given up dating? That's not like you at all." Tai said. He noticed Matt was starting to appear slightly uncomfortable.

"Yeah... I don't know what's going on. For some reason I don't have fun with girls anymore. I mean, making out and stuff, it kind of turns me off lately."

Suddenly Tai felt a glimmer of hope, this couldn't possibly be leading where it sounded like, could it? Could Matt possibly feel the same way he did?

"Maybe it's just a phase," he suggested. Though this was not what Tai wished, he was trying to say what he thought his friend would want to hear.

"I don't know, I've just been feeling so weird. I can't seem to get over it. I don't think I'm attracted to girls anymore..."

This was way too good to be true, were these words actually coming from Mr. Macho-girls-fall-all-over-themselves-to-get-a-piece-of-me? If Matt felt the same way he did, maybe now he could tell him how he felt, he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. He had been waiting for a moment like this to come, but didn't think it ever would.

"I'm so scared..." 

But the moment wasn't supposed to go like this. Matt really was scared, Tai saw tears start to well up in his eyes and his normally serene looking figure was trembling.

"Hey, there's nothing to be scared of," Tai said as calmly as he could. He'd never seen Matt like this before, he suddenly looked so fragile. The brunette wasn't sure what to do. 

So, though he was shorter and slimmer, he gathered Matt up into his arms and held his sobbing form against his chest. He rubbed the musician's back gently and ran his fingers through the silky hair falling gracefully around his neck, whispering words of comfort in his ear.

"What will my family think..." He heard from deep within the embrace. "And the guys in the band, and the rest of the Digidestined, I'll lose all my friends..."

Could he really believe that?

"Matt, if they're real friends they would never leave over something like this. And I promise you'll never lose me. Even if you told me you were some kind of weird blood sucking alien from another dimension I would still be your friend!"

Matt sat up and stared off in a random direction for a second.

"You don't think I'm a freak...?" He asked quietly.

If he only knew how strong Tai's feelings were for him, he would never have to ask a question like that.

"Of course I don't." Tai also sat up and put his arm around Matt's shoulder. It felt nice to be so close to him. It was comforting to be able to touch him when they usually kept a friendly distance. 

"Please don't tell anyone about this. I'm not ready for all this to be public, you know..." He said, turning to look into Tai's cocoa eyes.

"Your secret's safe with me."

"This is just crazy..." he sighed, leaning over on Tai's shoulder. "I can't believe I could go through a change like this. I mean, me. Usually you know about someone who's like this, or just hear about it in school. But I never thought it could happen to me."

He sounded like he had contracted some kind of disease. Maybe if Tai told him he felt the same way he wouldn't feel so alone. He knew how lonely it could be, feeling this way but not being able to tell anyone. 

"You don't have to be ashamed, it's just how you feel."

"People are going to treat me differently."

"Not the ones that already love you." Tai knew this was true of course, because he was becoming more and more sure that he did love Matt.

Then he realized what incredible courage it must have taken to tell him this. He began to get slightly angry with himself, knowing he still hadn't summoned the strength to tell anyone what he was going through. If he had the crest of courage, then why was he still too afraid to tell Matt how he felt?

They sat together for a little while not saying anything. Tai kept his arm around Matt's shoulders, which he noticed were rather bony, and looked around his room.

"Hey Matt," he said, suddenly getting an idea that he thought would make then both feel better. "Do you want to go out to that Karaoke bar tonight?"

"I thought you said you hated singing." He had been trying to get Tai to go out to the new Karaoke bar that had opened up down the street for months, but the soccer star had always made up some creative excuse, knowing he couldn't sing very well.

"Well, I know you like to sing so let's go! Uh, do you feel up to it?"

Matt smiled and ruffled Tai's huge mass of chestnut hair. "Sure, let's get out of this dump."

Matt stood and strode across the room, Tai hopping off the bed and following him.

"You call your own house a dump, Matt?" He giggled.

"If you hadn't noticed, this place is always a mess," he said, entering the bathroom and picking up a comb.

"Has to fix his hair of course," Tai thought. Then Tai began to feel strange, just standing behind the tall boy watching him brush his hair. He stepped up and wrapped his arms around Matt's waist, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Uh, what are you doing?" He asked, looking at Tai peeking over his shoulder in the mirror.

"Just giving you a hug, anything wrong with that?" Tai would never have done this with his other male friends, but Matt was special of course. He wanted to confess his feelings so badly, but he wasn't sure how or when he should.

"Heh, no I guess not."

They each took a bathroom break, got their coats and shoes on, Matt grabbed his wallet and they exited the apartment. In the elevator on the short trip down, Tai tapped Matt on the arm.

"Are you feeling ok now?"

"Yeah." He said simply, nothing else. The little brunette decided not to bother him about it again tonight. He imagined for a moment that the two were actually going on a date together, but scolded himself for it silently. "Even if he does like guys, that doesn't mean he likes me..."

  
  


It was American oldies night at the Karaoke bar, and the only people there were middle aged couples waiting to sing their favorite songs from when they were young.

"I feel stupid with all these old people here," Tai said, sipping the soda Matt had just bought for him.

"It's only 7:30, younger people get here later at night," Matt replied.

"I thought you hadn't been here before?" Tai asked, resting his elbows on the table and rasing an eyebrow.

"Akira and Yutaka came last week and told me about it," Matt said.

"How come you and Takashi didn't go?" Tai inquired, remembering that Akira and Yutaka were two of Matt's band members.

"Just busy, and..." Matt turned, looking at the two women that were on stage singing some song he'd never even heard before.

"And what?" 

"I kind of wanted you to come with me when I went," he finally said, turning back to face Tai.

"Oh..." Tai bit his lip and tried to think of something to keep himself from blushing. He decided to think about his really old history teacher that he didn't like. Soon Tai was thinking so hard about his history teacher that he didn't hear Matt talking to him.

"Hey! Wake up Yagami!"

"Huh, what?" Tai looked up suddenly and saw Matt waving a hand in front of his face.

"You've been so distracted today, Tai."

"Yeah..." He sighed and drained his glass of soda.

"The stage is free, want to come sing with me?" Matt asked, pushing his chair back and standing.

"Uh, you sing one alone first, I have to finish my soda," he lied. Matt glanced down at the empty glass with an ice cube at the bottom.

"Sure you do." He grinned and shook his finger in Tai's direction. "I'm getting you up there with me before the night is over Mr. Yagami, just wait."

Tai smiled and little and watched Matt step on stage and grab the microphone of the karaoke machine like a professional. Well, he was a professional at singing in front of a crowd now wasn't he? Matt selected a song from the list available and music began to play again. It was soft and sweet, and seemed strangely familiar, like Tai had heard it once or twice on the radio. The tall blonde began to sing, and after the first few lines, Tai realized it was a song his mother liked very much, Someone to Watch Over Me.

"A girl is supposed to sing this song though..." Tai thought to himself, listening to the lyrics and noting Matt was singing the song from a woman's point of view. "He's got a lot of guts to go up there and sing this in front of everyone..."

"Although he may not be the man, some girls think of as handsome, to my heart he carries the key..." Matt glanced at Tai as he sang this part, and for a split second Tai could swear he saw him wink. His chocolate colored eyes opened wide.

"He couldn't possibly be singing this to me, could he...?" 

Matt finished the song, the music ended, and the people at the other tables clapped. Tai noticed that the applause seemed a bit more enthusiastic than it had been with the previous singers. The lanky boy came back to him quickly and grinned.

"All these old people like you, Matt."

"Yeah? Well now it's your turn." He grabbed both of Tai's wrists and pulled him up on the stage next to the karaoke machine. The short teen stumbled up the step and stood next to Matt, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Matt I really can't sing..."

"Neither can half the other people here, it's just for fun!" Matt looked through the list of songs and pointed to one.

"Do you know this one?" He asked, smiling slyly.

"What! We can't sing that! I don't even know half the words!" Tai protested then he saw what his friend was pointing at.

"The words show up on the screen, stupid. And I already picked it so there's no way out now." Matt had a huge grin spread across his pretty face. "You're singing the green words by the way."

"Yamato Ishida, you are evil!" Tai whined. He heard a soft chuckle come from Matt right before the light blinked for him to started singing the song he had pick for them, which happened to be,

"They say we're young and we don't know, won't find out until we grow," 

Sonny and Cher's I Got You Babe. Matt smiled as Tai began to sing, and luckily for him Sonny Bono never sang very well either.

When they finished, Tai was beet red and Matt was all smiles. The other people at the bar actually stood up and clapped for them, and Tai was surprised, not just by the fact that they had gotten a standing ovation at a karaoke bar, but that Matt had picked that particular song.

"He picked another love song, is he trying to tell me something...?" Tai thought, but decided not to get his hopes up.

  
  
  
  


~~Here are the lyrics to Someone to Watch Over Me and I Got you Babe in case you didn't know them (And Matt sings the parts with HER in front, Tai sings HIM):

  
  


Someone to Watch Over Me

  
  


There's a saying old, says that love is blind  
Still we're often told "Seek and you shall find"  
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind.  
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet   
He's a big affair I cannot forget  
Only man I ever think of with regret.

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram  
Tell me where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's somebody I'm longing to see  
I hope that he turns out to be  
Someone who'll watch over me.

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood  
I know I could always be good  
To one who'll watch over me.

Although he may not be the man  
some girls think of as handsome  
To my heart he carries the key!

Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed  
Follow my lead, oh, how I need  
Someone to watch over me...

  
  


I Got You Babe

  
  


HER: They say we're young and we don't know

We won't find out until we grow 

HIM: Well I don't know if all that's true 

'Cause you got me, and baby I got you . 

HIM: Babe 

BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe . 

HER: They say our love won't pay the rent 

Before it's earned, our money's all been spent 

HIM: I guess that's so, we don't have a pot 

But at least I'm sure of all the things we got . 

HIM: Babe 

BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe . 

HIM: I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring 

HER: And when I'm sad, you're a clown And if I get scared, you're always around 

HER: So let them say your hair's too long 

'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong 

HIM: Then put your little hand in mine 

There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb . 

HIM: Babe 

BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe . 

HIM: I got you to hold my hand 

HER: I got you to understand 

HIM: I got you to walk with me 

HER: I got you to talk with me 

HIM: Igot you to kiss goodnight 

HER: I got you to hold me tight 

HIM: I got you, I won't let go 

HER: I got you to love me so . 

BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe 

  
  
  
  



	3. To See But Not Touch

Tai walked in through his apartment door and removed his shoes that night after Matt dropped him off. He peeked at the clock across the living room and saw it was after 11 at night.

"Uh oh..."

He looked around the corner and saw his dad and Kari sitting on the sofa watching TV, and his mother was putting some clean dishes from that night away in the cupboard. He tried to sneak to his bedroom without being caught, but...

"Stop right there, mister," his mother's voice said. She didn't even have to turn around to know he was there.

Tai stopped in his tracks and turned around.

"Busted!" Kari whispered, from the couch and smiled at him.

"Oh shut up," he whispered back to his little sister.

"Taichi Yagami, where have you been? You know your curfew is at 10 o'clock," his mother said, walking out of the kitchen to him.

"I was with Matt, we went to the Karaoke bar downtown then saw a late movie, that's all." He said honestly.

"We there any girls or beer involved?" She asked, tapping her foot. She always asked a million questions when he came home after 10. But he hated when she talked to him about girls, he didn't even want to see any girls...

"No... I told you where I was and that's the truth!"

"Don't talk back to your mother Tai," his father said, still watching the TV.

Tai glared at everyone in the room.

"Why can't you all just leave me alone!?" he shouted, and stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"My goodness... I wonder what he's so angry about?" His mother said after a moment. "I didn't think I was being hard on him."

"He's a teenager dear, they get mad easily." Mr. Yagami replied from the sofa.

Tai's mother shrugged and went back to what she had been doing in the kitchen to tidy up before bed.

Kari hesitated for a few minutes and then got up off the couch. Inside his room, where Tai had his head buried somewhere in his pillow, he heard a faint knocking from the door and a small voice call out to him.

"Tai, can I come in?" Kari asked.

"Whatever..." He sighed. She took this as a yes and entered, closing the door softly behind her. She sat down on the edge of the bed and Tai rose and sat next to her.

"What are you so upset about, did you and Matt get in a fight?" She asked him calmly.

"No... I'm just confused about something," he answered truthfully, but wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her what he had been experiencing lately.

"Like what?" His 13 year old sister asked. Though she was only in the 7th grade now, she sometimes seemed a lot wiser about the world than anyone else Tai knew.

"Kari... you have to promise not to tell anyone about this ok?"

She seemed a bit confused but nodded, "I promise."

Tai sighed and tried to gather himself. "I think... I might, I mean... I don't really.... like..." He leaned forward and held his face in his hands for a second. He sprung up quickly and started pacing around the room.

"I don't think I like girls anymore, at all. I don't think I ever did actually..." he finally said.

"You like Matt, don't you?" she said. Tai looked up at her in complete shock and his mouth fell open.

"How did you know that!?" he shouted.

Kari smiled at him. "Little sisters just know these things." She giggled slightly. "You act differently around him, you always have."

Tai sat back down next to her on his bed and folded his legs under him.

"I don't know what to do..." 

"Do you think he feels the same way as you?" Kari asked him. She knew that Matt acted differently around Tai as well, but wanted to know what Tai thought.

Tai had promised not to tell anyone what Matt had confessed to him earlier, so could only reply with,

"Maybe..." He blinked and looked around the room, trying to sort things out. "Why did this have to happen to me..."

"You're going through a change," Kari said, patting her brother on the shoulder. "And it's not going to be an easy one."

"No kidding..."

"Why don't you just get some sleep for now," Kari suggested, getting up to leave the room.

Tai sighed once again and stared at the floor.

"But you're going to have to tell him eventually," she added, and walked out, leaving Tai alone with himself.

  
  


The next morning Taichi woke up, almost in a daze. He walked slowly through the apartment to the bathroom and shut the door. Peeling off his clothes, he looked in the mirror and wondered where his life was heading. He stepped carefully into the shower and let the warm water spray in his face and flow over his body.

Without the sound, the shower door opened up and there was a figure standing outside. The brunette gasped and looked up to see Yamato step into the shower with him. The steam rose up around them and the blonde gracefully slipped his arms around Tai's torso, letting his lips wander down the smaller boy's neck and along his collar bone. Matt looked up and smiled softly at him, and Tai gratefully opened his mouth to let the musician kiss him deeply. Tai began breathing heavily as his felt strong hands dance across his chest and abdomen. He closed his eyes and heard a husky whisper in his ear,

"Taichi... I want you."

Suddenly those same brown eyes shot open and he gasped. Tai sat up in his bed panting, covered in sweat. He had fallen asleep in his clothes last night after he came home from his day with Matt.

"It was only a dream... why..." He held his head in his hands and his body shook as he started to cry.

Outside his bedroom, Kari was passing by the door. She heard her brother's sobs and wished she could help him, but decided he would not want to be seen like this.

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door.

"Taichi?"

It was his mother. He dried his eyes quickly and tried to regain his composure before answering.

"Are you awake son?" She asked, tapping on the door again.

"Yeah, come in."

The door creaked open and she stepped inside with the telephone in her hand.

"You have a phone call, sleepy head. It's Matt." She handed him the phone and left the room to get to work in the kitchen.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Good morning, sleepy head," Matt said from the other end, laughing slightly.

"Oh shut up..." He blushed even though Yamato wasn't actually there. "What's up?" he continued.

"Sora and Izzy asked me to go to the mall with them today, do you want to come?" He asked.

"Sure, what time?"

"Around lunch time, we're eating lunch there."

"What time is it now?" Tai asked, knowing he must have slept rather late.

"It's 10:30, so can I come pick you up?"

"Ok, I just have to take a shower and get dressed and everything."

"Fell asleep in your clothes again I bet," Matt added.

"Yes..." Tai smiled to himself, his best friend knew him too well.

"I'll come get you in a little while, ok?" 

"Alright, bye for now, Matt"

"See ya," Matt said, and hung up.

Tai took a shower shortly after, though no one came to join him this time. He got dressed and tugged a blue pullover down over his hair, brushed his teeth, and exited the bathroom just in time to hear the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it, mom," Tai called to his mother, who was pulling things out of the cabinets to make... something.

Tai opened up the door and Matt was waiting outside. The blonde was wearing a tight black turtle neck, black pants and a belt, and had his hands shoved into the pockets of his long trench coat. Tai couldn't help but notice that he looked quiet handsome, but then again... he always did.

"Ready to go?" he asked, smiling.

"Yep," the little brunette pulled his sneakers and coat on and said goodbye to Kari who was sitting on the sofa reading a book and petting Miko.

"What time will you be home, Tai?" Mrs. Yagami said, coming out of the kitchen for a moment.

"Uhh... I dunno, later?"

"Don't worry, I'll have him home before curfew this time, Mrs. Yagami," Matt said, laying on an extra helping of Ishida charm as he spoke to her.

"Ok then, have fun!" She said as the two boys left the apartment.

She stood between the living room and kitchen table for a few seconds, looking at the door. 

"Is Yamato gay?" She said to Kari out of no where.

Kari's eyes popped open and she looked up from her book at her mother.

"Um, what makes you think that?" she asked uneasily.

"Oh I don't know," said Mrs. Yagami, going back into the kitchen and pouring some ingredients into a bowl. "I guess I read too many women's magazines. There was an article last month called 'How Straight Is He?' and..." She glanced back towards the couch and saw Kari was looking at her strangely.

"Oh never mind," she said, and continued making whatever strange concoction she had thought up this time.

Kari sighed and shook her head.

"She can tell that Yamato is gay but she doesn't even know her own son is..." She thought, knowing how ironic this situation was.

  
  


After a few hours at the mall, Izzy had dragged them into ANOTHER computer store and was looking at some weird, hi-tech gizmo and getting overly excited about it as usual.

"Ugh... this is so boring," Tai groaned, playing with a display electronic cash register and making the draw pop out, hitting Matt in the back.

Matt pushed the draw back in and took Tai's hand away from the displays before he could break anything.

"How about we ditch Izzy and Sora for now and go see a movie," he suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Tai said. While Izzy was going nuts over whatever he was looking at and Sora was nodding supportively, they snuck out of the computer store and made their way to the movie theater.

As they walked, Tai wished Matt wasn't wearing such a long coat so he could have a better view of his butt, and then bit his lip and turned away. 

"I can't go getting turned on in the middle of a shopping mall..." Tai said to himself, trying to push all thoughts of hot blonde bass players out of his mind.

"Which movie do you want to see this time?" Matt said, looking up at the list of pictures playing above the ticket booth when they finally reached the movie theater at the center of the mall.

"Harry Potter!" Tai squeaked, and then cleared his throat, blushing.

"Uhh.... ok then," Matt said, raising a blonde eyebrow and buying two tickets for Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets.

"You don't have to pay for my ticket, I've got money," Tai said as they entered the theater and bought their snacks.

"It's no problem."

They went and found some seats near the front and removed their coats. The previews began to play shortly after, and Tai watched Matt eating his Junior Mints.

"He's awfully sweet to me..." Tai thought. "Maybe I actually have a chance with him...." He sighed and stared at the floor for about the first 20 minutes of the film.

"Psst, Tai," Matt whispered, when he noticed his friend didn't look very cheerful. "What's the matter, you're not even watching the movie."

"Nothing, I'm fine." Tai answered.

Matt placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..." Matt held Tai's hand out and dumped a few candies into it, smiled, and went back to watching the movie.

"I can't keep lying to him," the brown eyed boy thought, continuing to talk to himself inside his head. "He's my best friend, he's going to figure out what's going on eventually..."


	4. The Change

Note: Well, this is the end, I hope it doesn't suck too much . If anyone has suggestions on how I could make the ending better I'd be glad to hear them!

  
  


On Monday afternoon, after soccer practice, off season and indoors due to it being winter, Tai stopped by Matt's apartment to hang out for the evening. He opened the door without bothering to ring the buzzer, took his shoes and coat off, and dropped his equipment bag on the floor.

"Hey Matt," he said, walking into his friend's bedroom and finding him sitting on the bed with his guitar.

"Hey Tai," he said happily. The soccer player sat himself down on the end of the bed and Matt put his guitar back in the case.

"You have a lot of guitars and stuff," Tai said, looking around and counting three guitar cases, one of which he knew held Matt's favorite bass.

"Well I'm in a band, duh." He laid back and spread out on his bed, Tai stayed sitting. Matt glanced up and saw his partner was looking dejected and playing with his fingers. He rubbed Tai's arm with his foot to get his attention.

"You've looked so down in the dumps lately, what's wrong?" he asked when Tai looked over at him.

"Oh, I'm only madly in love with you..." Tai thought, but his reply came as simply, "Nothing." 

Matt sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, "Whatever you say."

"Oh, you know that calc test I had today?" He asked the little brunette after saying nothing for several minutes.

"Yeah, how'd you do?"

"I passed," he said, grinning, "I got an 85."

"Good job Matt, see I told you that you just needed to study."

"Actually... I think I've felt a lot better after getting everything off my chest. Telling you, well, you know.... I've been able to concentrate again." He said, letting his eyes wander to his ceiling once again.

"Yeah..." Tai sighed. At least one of them had gotten everything off their chest. If only he could find a way to tell Matt how much he cared for him. He couldn't think about anything else, but still didn't know how to show his feelings. What was he supposed to say, 'I'm gay and I love you'? Tai wondered if he would ever be able to find the right words.

"He told me.... why can't I tell him." He thought.

"Hey.... Tai." The tall boy sat up and inched over next to his friend. He pursed his lips for a moment, as if he was getting ready to say something important.

"What is it?" he asked. 

Matt took a deep breath and then took Tai's hands in his own. Tai looked at the blue eyes staring intently back at him and wondered what Matt was planning to do. His heart started to beat faster.

"Now that you know how I really am... I need to ask you something."

"What...?" Tai swallowed nervously. 

"Would you like to be my boyfriend?"

Tai nearly had a heart attack, his round eyes opening as wide as they could go. Could this be another dream? It didn't even seem like this situation could really be happening. A million thoughts started flying through his head, he was confused, he had no idea what to do. How could Matt possibly know he loved him, he had never spoken a word about it to him, and now this tall blonde beauty was asking him the question he had been waiting to hear for so long. He opened his mouth and tried to think of some kind of reply. He wanted to just confess his love, he wanted to say yes, he wanted to be with Matt forever and be happy. 

But instead... he did the stupidest thing he could have possibly done.

"No!!" He shot up off the bed and pushed Matt's hands away. "What would make you think I was like that anyway!?" He yelled.

"But... Kari told me...."

So Kari had let Matt in on his little secret. Now Tai completely lost control, he became so overwhelmed with emotion he stopped thinking and just let random words pour out. His fear had taken over.

"Well Kari lied, ok!?" He shouted at him. "We're friends, that's it!"

Matt looked like someone had just run him over with a truck. Tai had his teeth clenched and could feel himself starting to cry.

"Tai... I love you...."

Taichi felt like his heart was going to explode. In his head, he wanted to yell that he loved him too. Those words, unfortunately, never made their way to Matt's ears.

"GET OUT OF MY LIFE YOU SICK FAGGOT!!" Tai screamed at the top of his lungs. He ran out of Matt's bedroom, shoved his feet into his sneakers and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him with all his strength. Outside, freezing rain had begun to fall, and he ran all the way home without looking back, unable to even grasp what he had just done.

Matt sat on his bed in disbelief. His mouth half open, he stayed alone in his room for almost an hour trying to figure out what had gone wrong. When the harsh reality of what had happened finally sunk in, he stood and made his way out of the room to the medicine cabinet, not knowing how he could go on without his Taichi.

  
  
  
  


When Tai arrived home, it was nearly midnight. He had reached his apartment building that afternoon, looked up at it, and decided he wanted to punish himself. So he walked around in the rain all evening and half the night. He was freezing cold, knew he might get pneumonia, but didn't care. At this point he didn't care whether he lived or died. He had just broken his best friend's heart, and most likely lost him forever.

How could he be so foolish, how could he just push him away like that? After yearning to be with him all this time, he had blown his only chance for them to be together. It seemed like his whole life had just fractured and started to fall apart.

"I hate this...." he said out loud, as he opened the front door and stepped inside. 

He entered and for some reason, Kari was waiting for him. She looked upset, and almost began weeping when she saw her brother. His hair, clothes, and even his eyelashes were covered in ice. She could tell he had been crying, his eyes were red, his nose was running.

He glared at her, remembering suddenly how she had betrayed his trust. He had never been angry at his little sister before.

"How could you do this to me Kari!? You promised not to tell anyone!" He yelled.

"I was just trying to help!" She cried, starting to feel panicked. "And there's something I need to tell you," she added.

"Whatever it is, it can wait till tomorrow..." He said, holding his head and turning away. "I don't care about anything anymore."

"NO! It can't wait," she shouted at him. He looked back at her, why was she crying? 

"It's Matt..." she whispered so softly he could barely hear. "Mr. Ishida just called, he had to be rushed to the hospital..."

Tai's breath caught in his throat. He blinked a few times, stared at her.

"Which hospital..." He said in a low voice.

"The memorial hospital down town," she told him, still sobbing. "I don't know what happened today, but I know he loves you Tai, and you love him too! You can't hide it anymore, now you have to go and tell him." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand but kept crying, not knowing what would happen to her brother if Matt died.

"Beg for his forgiveness before it's too late."

He just stood there for several minutes, then turned on the spot and raced out of the apartment to hail a cab.

  
  


After yanking open the emergency room door, the tan boy raced up to the desk, his heart pounding. The only one in sight was the receptionist, he saw no other patients. He wondered where Matt was, where the doctors were. Images of Matt lying on an operating table, his pearly skin soaked with blood, filled Tai's mind.

"Is my boyfriend here!? Matt Ishida, he's tall and blonde. His dad brought him in a little while ago. He... I think he tried to kill himself..." Tai wondered why he was calling Matt his boyfriend, he had rejected him. He'd probably never even speak to him again after this...

"He's in the examining room down the hall---"

"Ok thanks!" Tai interrupted, and dashed down the hallway.

"But you're not really supposed to be in there!" she called after him.

Tai walked up to the room and saw that the door was open. He paused, afraid of what he might find when he got inside. What if his closest friend was going to die because of him?

When he looked inside, there was the tall, pale teenager, lying on the bed, in just his socks and a hospital gown. He had a metal tray next to him and an IV stuck into the back of his hand. He appeared to be sleeping peacefully, and even in an ugly white gown, he still looked beautiful to Tai.

He stepped up to the bed and sat on the only chair in the room, a metal stool with wheels. He took Matt's hand in his, careful not to disturb the IV, and began to cry as he watched him lie there.

Two blue eyes opened slowly, and their owner turned his head slightly to see a head of bushy brown hair, sobbing into the bed beside him.

"Taichi..."

The head of brown hair rose and Tai's eyes met his own. He sniffed back a sob and his lower lip quivered.

"You're ok..." He squeezed Matt's hand gently and reached up to smooth out his blonde hair, which he saw was not in its usually perfect condition.

"What happened," Tai said softly.

"Took about 30 aspirins when my dad came home and caught me," he looked down at the IV in his hand, which Tai was still holding. "The doctor said I might have bled to death internally if I hadn't got here in time."

"Matt.... I'm sorry," Tai said, running his hand through his friend's soft hair over and over. "Those things I said, I didn't mean any of it, I swear."

Matt turned away and sighed.

"Please forgive me."

Instead of being angry, or crying, or yelling, or telling him to go away, he looked up at Tai and smiled. He brought his other arm across the bed, and surrounded Tai's smaller hand in both of his own, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss his tan fingers.

"Apology accepted."

"Oh Matt..." Tai leaned his head over and pressed his lips delicately to those of the figure lying on the bed. Matt kissed back and put his arm around Tai, pulling him closer. He could taste salt from the tears that had run into the corners of Tai's mouth but savored every second. 

They parted, and smiled at each other. The leader of the Digidestined had never imagined his first kiss would be in an emergency room, but he didn't mind at all.

"And...about the question you asked before," Tai said, thought somewhat hesitantly, "The answer is yes."

"It better be after all this," Matt replied, grinning. Tai also grinned, he suddenly could not help himself.

"So is anything on under this hospital gown?" He asked, lifting up the corner and giggling.

"My underwear...." Matt replied as he batted Tai's hand away and blushed.

"Where is your dad anyway?"

"He went outside to have a cigarette about a half hour ago, he's probably wondering where he failed as a father or something."

"This is all my fault..." Tai said quietly.

"Hey, I said I forgive you, ok?" He reached up and ran a long delicate finger down Tai's cheek.

"Matt I love you," he finally said. Though it had taken Matt nearly committing suicide for him to say it, he meant it with all his heart.

"I love you too," was the answer, and Tai was happy at last.

They sat together for a little while, holding hands, talking about everything that had happened and enjoying each other's company now that the truth was known. 

Tai had leaned over on the bed so his head was resting on the pillow next to Matt's. Every so often, when a break came in the conversation, Tai would kiss Matt on the cheek and giggle. He couldn't believe how lucky he was, even after all the lying he had done, he had still been forgiven. Not only had he kept his secret from his family and all his friends, he had lied to himself. Then he remembered what his little sister had said,

"You're going through a change, and it's not going to be an easy one."

It definitely had not been. But it seemed he, and Matt, had survived it.

"Are you staying overnight?" Tai asked, when it had reached around 1:30 am.

"Yeah... You should probably get home though."

"No, I'm staying with you."

He draped one arm across Matt's chest and snuggled closer to him.

"I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do to my parents tomorrow," he said, as he felt Matt's fingers sifting through his hair.

"Don't worry, I'll help you out," he said to Tai.

"Does you dad know... you know, why all this happened?"

"Not exactly," the blonde answered. "I guess I have a lot of explaining to do too, huh?"

"Matt... whatever happens, please don't ever try to leave me again."

"I won't Taichi, I won't."

Then, the nurse entered to room to check on her patient, and Tai sat up quickly.

"How are you doing Yamato? Oh, and who is your visitor?" She asked when she saw Tai sitting next to the bed.

He smiled up at the boy he had known for so long, and held Tai's hand close to his heart.

"My boyfriend..." he replied.


End file.
